Summer Prosecco shortage may lead to 20% drop in Startup Success

by Startacus Admin

With the recent announcement that Prosecco availability may be about to reach saturation point due to harvest issues*, and a sudden heatwave sweeping the nation,  a valuable inside source from within Startup HQ in Shoreditch has informed us that the impact of this on startup success may be startling.

The insider revealed:

“The mood from within the capital of Shoreditch is downbeat. In 2014, startup success was intrinsically linked with the increase in Prosecco popularity and sales.

Startup Founders generally have the same capitalist ambitions of the more corporate types, unless they work in social enterprise, where Apple Juice may be more their thing. Incidentally, whilst Bankers and Lawyers continue to drink champagne by the case, Prosecco has been the number one bevy of choice for startup meetups, parties, and get-togethers over the last 12 months.”

Costing less than champagne yet still with that much sought after fizz, Prosecco became the drink of choice for startups in 2014, overtaking 2013’s fave artisan Cider which dropped down 2 places in the Startup Bevy League.

The insider goes on to warn:

“Without Prosecco on the menu, our fear is that business ambition will be thwarted and the collective mindset will return to the pre-2012 days when startups were not in fashion and fruit smoothies were the social drink of choice. We can’t return to those dark days. We can’t allow the startup founders campaign of 2012 “shoreDITCH those smoothies” to have been in vain, now can we”?

Adding to the severity of the problem, temperatures in the UK are expected to reach 35 degrees celsius this week, or as it's more commonly described "It's just like being in the Mediterranean! But in Grimsby!".  The fear is that given the critical shortage of prosecco, some startups may actually begin to melt!

A Capital of Shoreditch spokesperson was unavailable for comment at the time of going to press.

*More detail on this can be found via leading industry publication ‘Prosecco Daily’.

If this type of content keeps you going - then you might also want to read:

• Research shows having beard increases your Startup success by 86%

• Shoreditch based Imaginary Café Serves up platters of nothing

• The Science of a successful Startup (finally explained!)

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Published on: 29th June 2015