Research shows having beard increases your Startup success by 86%

by Startacus Admin

New research published by some scientists has revealed that having a beard on board your Startup makes it up to 86% more likely to succeed. 

The news coincides with a peak in the beard to person ratio of UK Startups, with prolific startup locations such as London's Shoreditch now reporting just over 1 beard per head of population.

“Beards have existed for a number of centuries in the UK” explains expert Todd Sweeney “but it is only now that a definitive link between business acumen and excessive facial hair has been described”.

The reasons behind this positive correlation are numerous and well reasoned. Experts state that pitching alongside a beard is an especially effective way of securing startup investment as Investors become increasingly susceptible to a condition known as beard hypnosis.

“Investors become so overwhelmed by the level of beardage on display that they are unable to remember who gave the best pitch, and begin throwing wads of cash at the startup founders in an attempt to make them go away”.

But it's not just in crucial situations such as pitches that the benefits of having a beard on board your startup become apparent. A strategically placed pencil aids the speed at which notes can be taken, maximising the chances of capturing the hundreds of potentially paradigm shifting notions that flash through your brain on an hourly basis.

Women only startups, for which the trend in beard prominence has been slower to take effect, are being encouraged to grow their own, or in cases where this proves difficult, adopt some clever ruse so
that they too can reap the rewards.

“Tests have shown that authenticity of the beard is not an important factor in determining the success it can bring. So in theory, the hair from one’s head, the tassels from a scarf, or the well trimmed
 pelt of a small animal can provide comparable benefits to a natural beard” explained scientist Barbara Credible.

Historic examples of really successful people who have beards include Charles Dickens, Sigmund Freud, Abraham Lincoln and Billy Connolly.

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Published on: 8th January 2015